Feminists are well known as "bitchy, complaining, angry" women who are always demanding things. Once we get what we want, we find other things to bitch about. Famous example: Women got the right to vote, but they couldn't stop there; they continued to complain about being stuck as domestic house wives, then they found a whole list of other things to complain about. Obviously, I do not share this view. Feminists believe in all sorts of equality, not in meaningless complaining. Feminists get angry often, and it is fully justified since any form of oppression deserves some ranting followed by change. But this is a popular view that many men and women still have today.
Keeping with this view of feminist women, I will now bitch about a list of things that I both demand and deserve! Here it goes...
- I deserve to walk down the street at anytime with my partner. When we're out, we will not be yelled at, given dirty looks, harassed. Solution: We wear bags over our heads and dress in androgynous clothing so we are not seen as a same sex couple.
- I deserve to feel safe while walking around at night. Solution: A) Don't go out at night. B) Dress like a super hero so people
know not to fuck with me and my super powers.
- I deserve to not be gay bashed or harassed because of my sexuality. Solution: A) B
ecome rich and famous so I can hire body guards to protect me. B) Get super buff from working out, or get bit by a radio active spider so 
I can acquire super strength and beat up harassers.
- I deserve to feel completely safe while not having to worry about sexual harassment. Solution: Become best friends with Hot Head Paison.
- I deserve to be paid as much as a man for any job. Solution: Pretend to be a man by packing, wearing men's clothing, and using my hair clippings as facial hair.
- I deserve to face no discrimination when trying to be hired or while trying to advance my career. Solution: A) Perform sexual favors for the male boss. B) Don't try to get promoted.
- I deserve to be hired because of my abilities, not because of my race, class, or hot looks. Solution: Only do phone interviews.
- I deserve to not worry about getting fired or denied a job or housing because of my sexuality. Solution: A) Act straight/ Become straight. B) Rob a bank so I can live off that money and build a house of my own.
- I deserve my shortcomings and failures to be attributed to things other than my biological sex. Solution: A) Never fail at anything. B) Get a sex change and never let an
yone know about my original biological sex.
- I deserve to be in a bad mood once in a while and not have it be accredited to pms or my biological sex. Solution: Never be in a bad mood even when oppression of sex, gender, race, sexuality, class, etc piss me off and keep me in an angry mood.
So... How 'bout those solutions? Guess I should stop complaining and do these things so I can enjoy all the privileges of men and heterosexuals.
What do all these "solutions" have in common? For starters, they're kinda impossible. That's pretty obvious. I cannot stay inside all the time. I cannot change my sexuality. I cannot hire body guards to protect me from crazy harassers. The other thing these "solutions" have in common is they all involve hiding true self identity. Why should I or anyone else have to pretend to be someone else in order to enjoy privileges. Privileges like marriage, getting/keeping a job, feeling safe, not being judged or threatened with hell fire.
No one should be forced to hide who they are for any reason.
So for all those anti-feminists out there, take these demands and get working on them. All us feminists and gays will be happy to help you get started.
This is satire at its best, especially the second bullet point. That last bullet point hits very close to home; my mom and my brother are always saying that I should stop fighting back whenever my dad says anything misogynistic, sexist, and/or racist, etc. In my mind, however, if he says something like that and I just sit back and let him, then I personally feel that I'm implicitly agreeing with whatever it is he's saying. It's kind of like when someone tells a rape joke and nobody tells the person they're wrong; by not fighting back, the person who's told the joke believes that everyone around hir agrees with the sentiment they've put forth. I've explained this time and time again, but apparently I'm supposed to just sit there while varying groups of marginalized people get stepped on repeatedly. T_T
ReplyDeleteThanks! Keep up the feminist fight!
ReplyDeleteSo a couple of things:
ReplyDelete1) I am never going to be able to get the image of you gluing your hair to your face to fake facial hair. It's weird. I'm not entirely sure I recommend it as a life choice.
2) I really enjoyed this piece. I think you make an excellent point and I really like the satirical way you go about making that point. People should never be forced to behave like anyone but who they are. So good job, even if you did make me think a bit too hard about sticking one's head hair onto one's face.
[Also, this is Adrie. In case you were wondering.]
Thanks! And don't worry; even though I'd be an awesome drag king, I don't plan on gluing my hair to any part of me anytime soon! I do know a lot of drag kings who have their hair dressers save their hair clippings so they can have facial hair that matches their natural hair :p Funny thing, we all go to the same place to get our hair done lol
ReplyDelete